Want to improve your relationship but feel that you don't
have the time or resources or know where to begin? I'll
show you a simple and often surprisingly speedy way to
improve matters. All that you need to do is invest just 20
minutes each day.

We all know deep down how much we love the people closest
to us. The problem is we don't always show it Modern life
is pressured and it's all too easy to get stressed. Over
time having our life partner and other family members
around becomes familiar and we don't always express how
much they mean to us. This is understandable but
undesirable.

The way people behave towards those closest to them often
comes to me as an unpleasant surprise. It's a fact that
some people show more coutesy to strangers than their
family members.

When this subject arises as it often does in my workshops
or email feedback from my ecourse people often tell me that
they behave like this because they feel that they can get
away with it at home. This suggests that they are behaving
in ways that would not be tolerated at their place of work
or in other interpersonal situations.

It's a sad fact that these individuals are behaving in a
worse manner around their families than almost anyone else
they come into contact with!

Negative behaviour is resented although it may appear to be
tolerated. Over time negative behaviour damages our
precious relationships. it's impossible to be on our best
behaviour 24/7. We all at times say things that we don't
mean?t mean to. The important thing is to show that we care
so that our occasional lapses can be forgiven and
forgotten. Those closest to us make lapses too of course.
This means that they are able to understand that we are
only human and sometimes get things wrong.

Psychologists know that there are two short intervals in
the day when it is particularly important for a couple or
family to enjoy a warm rapport. These are when we get up in
the morning and when we return home at the end of the day.

A smile, a hug, a shared joke at these times will pay
dividends in keeping your close relationships happy and
healthy.

Finding a life partner is only the first step on the great
adventure that you will share as a couple. It's equally
importantant to keep your relationship happy and healthy.
With care and attention you can ensure that your important
relationships not only stay happy and healthy but get
better and better.

Many women I meet in my role of psychologist/therapist are
feeling miserable due to the break up of a relationship.
Some tell me that they feel desperate because they just
don't see how things can improve in the future.

In these situations I always ask this question " if your
sister or good friend were in the position you find
yourself in now, how would you treat her?"

Invariably I get the same answer with slight variations. It
goes like this. "I would encourage her to eat properly and
get enough sleep. I would try to make her laugh and take
her out of herself. I would buy her little gifts and treats
to show her that she is special and loved"

My response is to say, "that's wonderful' thank you - you
have just told me what you need to be doing for yourself".
As women we are nurturers' we care for others and yet often
the last people we nurture are ourselves. Caring for
ourselves isn't selfish it's practical. Caring for
ourselves means that we have more to give to and share with
others.

Its time to start being your own big sister and taking care
of yourself. In a moment I'll explain a good way to start.
First I would like us to look briefly at your thought
process as you might be having thoughts that would stand in
the way of your success.

You may feel that lack of time or money prevents you from
bringing more pleasure into your life. The great news is it
doesn't have to take a great deal of either. Some pleasures
cost nothing, like taking a walk in the park on a sunny day
- or a lie in - or curling up on the sofa with a favourite
magazine or novel?

Most of the things we enjoy cost little and don't take up a
great deal of time. The important thing is of course to
take action on bringing more pleasure into your life not
just think about it.

I use an exercise along these lines when working with
groups of people. I ask each person to make a list of the
things and situations that bring them pleasure and to say
how often they indulge in them.

Participants are almost always surprised about how simple
and inexpensive it would be to bring these pleasures into
their lives or enjoy them more frequently. We all need and
deserve pleasure so it's important to start bringing more
of it into your life now.

Spend the next few days taking care of your needs and I
promise you will start to feel better whatever your
situation. But don't stop there. Let caring for yourself
become a beneficial way of life beneficial for you and all
those that you interact with.