It is often all those trivial and inconsequential things
that saving your marriage can be about. Things you don't
really care about very much, but are possibly making your
partner unhappy and fretful. Do they matter that much? The
short answer is `YES!' Little things can prey on your
relationship and destroy it, if you don't make an effort to
do something about them.

It's very much about focusing a lot more on your own
attitude towards your spouse, or partner, so don't get all
smug and self-righteous. When you've been around someone
you've got to know well over time, then complacency can
often set in, usually without any real conscious awareness
of it. So work on being consciously aware and do your best
not to damage what you have through inattentive
carelessness. Eventually paying attention to the small
stuff will become a natural state for you, in the same way
that the skills of driving a car become innate in good
drivers, so they don't have to think about driving their
car consciously.

Let's look at a seemingly small thing that can possibly
slip and spoil to your relationship with each other. Let's
begin with your apprearance. This `appearance' thing
embodies so many areas and can be about what you wear,
freshness and cleanliness, tidiness, even getting dressed
rather than sitting around all day in your dressing gown
perhaps. Even on a lazy relaxing day when you just want to
chill and not be bothered, it may be that your partner
prefers you to get dressed, even if it's just shorts and a
tee shirt.

When you know somebody well, it's easy to become very
casual about your appearance. If you're the man you may
think that not shaving and having stubble is acceptable to
your partner, but ask yourself: "Is this okay with my
spouse?" Better still, ask her! If it alright with her,
then that's okay. If it isn't and she prefers you to either
have a full beard, or a shaved face, then do something
about it and pay heed to your spouse's feelings.

Likewise for the lady… does your partner mind you sitting
around with your hair in curlers for hours on end? Maybe he
does, maybe he doesn't, but try asking him? Asking only
takes a few seconds but knowing he is okay with you, in a
less than presentable state, will at least give you an idea
what to do about it. I should add that `stubble' and
`curlers' are just metaphors for lots of other seemingly
trivial things to do with your appearance, so they just on
a long list of examples!

So, take some care with your appearance - too often married
couples, especially as they mature in their relationship,
stop feeling the need to look good for their partner. Don't
be self-conscious, but do not take an uninterested attitude
towards your appearance. And remember, if you don't care
what you look like, your partner may find it difficult to
care about it as well.

There will always be other 'attitudes' to be conscious of
as well. Why not try being more romantic. Try being more
demonstrative, in showing affection or appreciation, and
take more care to be gentle and playful. If you behave in a
more loving way and show you really do care then it may
turn a tide for you. Add to your list, 'I must be more
caring'. If you're already doing that then put your
thinking cap on and try to find out what the things are
that are souring your marriage, or partnership.

Saving your marriage seems to be on your mind right now. So
heed the words, make a list of things you feel you should
take more care with and do something about them, as soon as
you can.