Are you suspicious of your loved one's loyalty? Do you
sometimes think about having an affair? Are you feeling
guilty for having extra-marital relationships? According to
the statistics, if you answered "yes" to any of the above,
you are not alone. Reports indicate that 60 percent of men
and 40 percent of women will be unfaithful to their
partner. It takes a lot more than love to prevent
infidelity and maintain a fulfilling relationship.

As a Marriage, Family therapist for over 27 years, I often
heard about my clients' secret lovers. I was very
successful in helping them uncover the causes of their
behavior, resolve their issues, and forgive each other.

Whenever a client shared with me that he or she was having
an affair, my first response was to ask, "If you could have
with your partner what you are receiving from your lover,
would you end your affair?" The answer from practically
every guilt-ridden client was, "Yes." In fact, there was a
sign of great relief on each of their faces as they
entertained the thought that they could receive what they
wanted from their husband, wife, or partner.

As you can see, infidelity is a symptom and not the cause
of relationship problems. It is a wake-up call to identify
and resolve any issues that are hurting the intimate
connection. With a process I developed, HART, which stands
for Holistic And Rapid Transformation, I helped the men and
women discover what they found lacking with their spouses
and were seeking in others. Once they were clear, I invited
their partners in for a couple session to help them resolve
their issues.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, I discovered that the
spouses also felt discontented in the relationship. They
too were having a secret affair, or were expressing their
frustrations in other ways—for example, by gaining
weight, not keeping their agreements, overspending,
withholding affection, nagging, or being verbally or
physically abusive.

Ironically, I find that all the men and women had the same
wants and needs but were not able to identify or express
them. In fact, we can make one list that applies to both
partners. The following letter can help you constructively
communicate what you probably desire from your loving
partner.

Dear Love

Please:

1. Treat me as you would your best friend. That helps me
know that you like and love me.

2. Spend quality time with me. That helps me feel I'm
important to you.

3. Compliment and appreciate me. That helps me feel
acknowledged and then I want to continue to please you.

4. Release your anger constructively and then tell me
calmly what you're angry about and if you feel hurt or
scared. Then we can resolve the issue and both feel good.

5. Help me solve our problems with win-win solutions. Then
we can maintain a healthy relationship.

6. Be affectionate and tell me you love me. That helps me
feel lovable and loving.

7. Continue to seek excitement, fun, and the magic of life
with me. Then we can maintain a fantastic relationship.

Thank you for hearing me. I love you!

Experiencing the above positive behaviors with your loving
partner can prevent infidelity and help you maintain a
fulfilling, loyal relationship. There is no need to look
elsewhere when you have what you desire.

About the Author:

©2008 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, Marriage,
Family Therapist and intuitive counselor. The love letter
is excerpts from her book, "All You Need Is HART! Create
Love, Joy and Abundance ~NOW!" She offers phone short term
counseling, a relationship check-up report/questionnair e,
books, e-books, and free teleclasses, newsletter, "Healing
Your Body" Mp3 and "Truths Set You Free" e-booklet.
http://www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.