Guilt is the emotional reaction people may feel if they
believe they are directly or indirectly responsible for
something bad happening. Feelings of guilt arise when you
feel bad about your behavior and its consequences. This is
different from the feeling of shame, because people who
feel shame are evaluating themselves as bad; not just
their actions. For example, if you feel bad for telling a
lie, that would be a feeling of guilt. However, if you feel
bad for being a liar, that would be a feeling of shame.

There are two main functions of guilt. It can serve as a
way of punishing oneself for bad behavior, or it can also
be a catalyst for changing whatever situation caused the
feelings of guilt in the first place. Both of these
functions can help people to have a better social
conscience by caring about how their actions affect other
people. In fact, people who don't feel guilt and remorse
from time to time are considered mentally ill. However,
guilt can also have harmful effects when it causes people
to withdraw from others. Also, there are occasions where
people feel irrational guilt for things that are beyond
their control. It is a natural feeling, but it is a
counterproductive one in this instance.

People may be prone to guilt if they around other people
who use it as a means of manipulation. Because guilty
people often feel the need to make up for the harm they
have done, manipulative people can take advantage of that
by guiding people towards conclusions that leave them
feeling guilty. It may be entertaining on television when a
character gains something by convincing someone else that
the situation was his or her fault, but the resentment of
being manipulated in real life is no laughing matter.

Childhood experiences can also make a person especially
likely to feel guilt. When kids end up caught in the middle
of arguments, divorces, or tragedies, they tend to imagine
all sorts of ways that they are responsible. It is
important for friends and loved ones to offer reassuring
words during times like these. Of course, the opposite
kinds of words will only make the feelings of guilt
multiply if children are constantly told that they are a
burden or that everything is their fault.

Guilt can be divided into healthy and unhealthy (also known
as toxic) forms of guilt. Feelings of healthy guilt occur
when something really, truly is your fault. When you feel
guilt in this situation, it is your conscience at work, and
that is a very good thing. What kind of a world would this
be if most people didn't care when their actions had
adverse effects on other people? Healthy guilt involves
people holding themselves responsible for their actions.
Although those actions can't be undone, healthy guilt will
motivate people to find ways to better the situation that
they caused.

Unhealthy guilt stems from feelings that aren't based in
reality or rationality. It happens when people feel guilty
for something they didn't cause or couldn't help causing.
Unhealthy guilt often gets its roots from guilt and
unworthiness that a person has been conditioned to feel.
Unhealthy relationships and environments sometimes cause
people to feel responsible for things that are really
outside of their realm of responsibility. For example, we
can't always be held responsible for how our actions cause
other people to feel. It would be healthy to feel guilty
for making weight jokes about a woman who is sensitive
about her weight, but it would be unhealthy to feel guilty
for becoming a doctor when your mother always wanted you to
be a lawyer.

To overcome healthy guilt, it can be as simple as doing
what your conscience naturally tells you to do. Of course,
it all depends on the seriousness of the action for which
you feel guilty. It may take a long time to undo the damage
you have done, and even the right thing to do isn't always
an easy thing to do.

Overcoming unhealthy guilt can be more difficult. It may be
necessary to work on it from both the outside and inside.
On the inside, it is helpful to think logically about
causes and effects to ensure yourself about what is and is
not within a person's control. It is also important to
reflect upon all of the things you do which make you an
important person who is worthwhile to be around. Surround
yourself with people who reinforce these ideas and don't
tear down your self-esteem. Professional therapy is also an
option.

Above all, remember that negative feelings like guilt have
a place in all of us. Without them, the good feelings would
have nothing to stand out against. The most important thing
is to make negative feelings work for you instead of
against you.

About the Author:

Pick up your free 103 page Addiction Recovery Help Guide
and enhance your life free of addictions. Join our growing
community. The author, Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an
addictions therapist at a leading drug rehab. He teaches
healthy life styles and life skills. Visit:
http://AddictionRecoveryBasics.com