A lot of stress is caused in our lives in the pursuit of
trying to keep other people happy, especially our family.
This addiction reaches its peak around Christmas time. We
have parents trying to keep their young children happy and
older kids who have left home trying to keep their parents
happy. Everybody wants to be happy and wants everybody else
to be happy, so great lengths are taken to ensure everyone
is being treated "fairly".

The tragic thing about everyone trying so hard to keep each
other happy around Christmas is that this process often
results in a lot of stressed, disappointed and unhappy
people. That's right, it doesn't actually work! This
pursuit of trying to keep people happy is based on a
misleading idea that we are responsible for other's
emotions, and that we have some control over how other
people feel. If someone really wants to be unhappy it
doesn't matter what we do they will be unhappy. Likewise if
someone wants to be happy it doesn't matter what we do they
will be happy.

So if we are choosing to let go of the idea of trying to
keep each other happy, what do we replace it with? My
experience after seven years of coaching is that the most
beneficial replacement is to shift our focus onto what
feels true for us, using our intuition instead of our
expectations and judgements, to guide us. In order to make
this shift we need to ask ourselves questions such as "What
feels natural to me?" or "What feels right/true" and let go
of questions that move us into judgement such as "What
should I do?" and "What will they think?" or "What do I
have to do?". I guarantee the types of questions we ask
ourself will determine the type of Christmas we experience!

A word of care, in this process of being true to ourselves
at no point does this mean we need to be disrespectful or
dismissive of those we are communicating with. Just
because we are letting go of trying to keep people happy
does not mean we throw gratitude and kindness out the
window. When communicating our decisions with others it's
always essential that it is done with the utmost of
courtesy and respect.

On a lighter note, the fantastic thing about pursuing a
different path, where we are just being true to what feels
right, is it gives everyone in our family the permission to
do the same. We can say to our relatives and extended
family, "I would love for you to do what feels right for
you around Christmas". So it really is about setting
everyone free to do what is true for them, without trying
to make other people agree with what feels right for you.
Instead of trying to control others and defending ourselves
we can simply celebrate difference and explore how these
differences can live side by side around Christmas time.

So if you are looking for a more relaxed and enjoyable
Christmas this year, let go of the idea of trying to keep
people happy and replace it with simply engaging fully with
what feels right for you. If everyone does this we may end
up with a more peaceful Christmas time.

About the Author:

Dixon Hammer has a passion for helping people live the life
of their dreams. He develops ideas and exercises to help
people sort through their confusion and clarify their
ideals, in very practical ways. His latest development is
The Ultimate Christmas Gift, a simple yet powerful set of
tools that help people create a more stress-free, enjoyable
and meaningful Christmas.
http://www.theultimatechristmasgift.com