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- If You Have An Unhappy Marriage Don't Despair! It Can Be Put Right - Read On To Find Out How...
If You Have An Unhappy Marriage Don't Despair! It Can Be Put Right - Read On To Find Out How...
- By Tony Darbyshire
- Published 09/1/2009
- Relationships
Many unhappy marriages can be put back on track, but you
have to be honest with yourself. Answer this question: do
you take your fair share of responsibility in your marriage
(or partnership) , and do you always do your best to avoid
arguments? The honest answer, for many of us, is probably
no. If you answered yes, you are probably deluding
yourself! An unhappy marriage, or partnership, is often the
outcome of such delusion.
But, if we can stop playing the 'blame' game, and do
something about controlling the arguments we get ourselves
into, it can result in positive change. When it comes to
making improvements in your personal relationship you know
there are no 'magic-bullets that can come up with 'magical
answers'; it takes an open mind - and some action - to help
bring back the happiness to your relationship.
To start you moving in the right direction there are two
things that should help you focus your mind on making the
improvements you seek. These are:
1 - Taking responsibility for your own actions, and, 2 -
How to deal with arguments, and how to use them as an
opportunity for positive change. Start the process by
being frank and honest about your own attitudes to both of
these issues and you will find some practical ways that
should help you get your relationship running smoothly
again.
So, let's start with what your attitude should be towards
taking some responsibility in your marriage or partnership.
Too often we transfer all of the blame for our unhappiness
onto our partner. It is quite possible that what may be
going wrong in your relationship is totally their fault.
But why not turn this thought around. Consider that you
could be part of the problem too. Take some responsibility
and acknowledge the fact that, if things aren't totally
rosy for you, it is as much your 'problem' as it is theirs.
You will start to to move forward, and not backward or
sideways, by taking responsibility! Don't put all the onus
of responsibility onto your partner. Be positive, and try
to be fair. Whatever you do, don't shirk your
responsibilities and take time to think your situation
through properly. Take some time to analyze what it is you
are doing (or not doing!) that might be causing the
problem. Try to be honest with yourself and you may put
your finger on the problems that are the most serious for
you, and then you will be able to do something about them.
Think of it this way. How many times, when something goes
wrong, do you say: "Well, that's not my problem, it's the
responsibility of...". Of course you may be right and it
really isn't your fault that things are the way they are
currently. But, ask yourself, "If I carry on blaming
him/her and making him/her take all the responsibility?
"will that help me to move in the direction of 'solving' the problem?"
The answer is almost certainly... probably not! So, don't
push all the 'responsibility' onto your spouse or partner.
You have to show him, or her, that you're prepared to take
your fair share of the blame for things not being as you
want them to be.
Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective
Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability
to choose our response. Remember, we do not have to respond
to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done in
the past. We do have a choice. It may involve us practicing
a real commitment on our part to letting go of 'old
patterns of behavior'. So, try something new. Relationships
are often much better served if the end result is not to be
an argument.
At this point, rather than cover the second major issue
that causes serious problems in most relationships - the
dreaded argument - I will be covering this in my next
article. There are some very effective 'tools' to stop the
arguments from getting out of hand, so you don't end up
getting uptight and angry.
For now I will leave you to give serious thought to working
on taking your share of the responsibility in your
relationship, so you don't have to endure an unhappy
marriage for much longer! The ball is now in your court...
so be positive and try not to be stubborn! Until next time
take Steven Covey's advice and choose your responses
carefully when communicating with your spouse, or partner.
All it takes is a little practice to change those old
habits that probably aren't doing either of you any good!
Until next time... bye for now!
have to be honest with yourself. Answer this question: do
you take your fair share of responsibility in your marriage
(or partnership) , and do you always do your best to avoid
arguments? The honest answer, for many of us, is probably
no. If you answered yes, you are probably deluding
yourself! An unhappy marriage, or partnership, is often the
outcome of such delusion.
But, if we can stop playing the 'blame' game, and do
something about controlling the arguments we get ourselves
into, it can result in positive change. When it comes to
making improvements in your personal relationship you know
there are no 'magic-bullets that can come up with 'magical
answers'; it takes an open mind - and some action - to help
bring back the happiness to your relationship.
To start you moving in the right direction there are two
things that should help you focus your mind on making the
improvements you seek. These are:
1 - Taking responsibility for your own actions, and, 2 -
How to deal with arguments, and how to use them as an
opportunity for positive change. Start the process by
being frank and honest about your own attitudes to both of
these issues and you will find some practical ways that
should help you get your relationship running smoothly
again.
So, let's start with what your attitude should be towards
taking some responsibility in your marriage or partnership.
Too often we transfer all of the blame for our unhappiness
onto our partner. It is quite possible that what may be
going wrong in your relationship is totally their fault.
But why not turn this thought around. Consider that you
could be part of the problem too. Take some responsibility
and acknowledge the fact that, if things aren't totally
rosy for you, it is as much your 'problem' as it is theirs.
You will start to to move forward, and not backward or
sideways, by taking responsibility! Don't put all the onus
of responsibility onto your partner. Be positive, and try
to be fair. Whatever you do, don't shirk your
responsibilities and take time to think your situation
through properly. Take some time to analyze what it is you
are doing (or not doing!) that might be causing the
problem. Try to be honest with yourself and you may put
your finger on the problems that are the most serious for
you, and then you will be able to do something about them.
Think of it this way. How many times, when something goes
wrong, do you say: "Well, that's not my problem, it's the
responsibility of...". Of course you may be right and it
really isn't your fault that things are the way they are
currently. But, ask yourself, "If I carry on blaming
him/her and making him/her take all the responsibility?
"will that help me to move in the direction of 'solving' the problem?"
The answer is almost certainly... probably not! So, don't
push all the 'responsibility' onto your spouse or partner.
You have to show him, or her, that you're prepared to take
your fair share of the blame for things not being as you
want them to be.
Stephen Covey, in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective
Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability
to choose our response. Remember, we do not have to respond
to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done in
the past. We do have a choice. It may involve us practicing
a real commitment on our part to letting go of 'old
patterns of behavior'. So, try something new. Relationships
are often much better served if the end result is not to be
an argument.
At this point, rather than cover the second major issue
that causes serious problems in most relationships - the
dreaded argument - I will be covering this in my next
article. There are some very effective 'tools' to stop the
arguments from getting out of hand, so you don't end up
getting uptight and angry.
For now I will leave you to give serious thought to working
on taking your share of the responsibility in your
relationship, so you don't have to endure an unhappy
marriage for much longer! The ball is now in your court...
so be positive and try not to be stubborn! Until next time
take Steven Covey's advice and choose your responses
carefully when communicating with your spouse, or partner.
All it takes is a little practice to change those old
habits that probably aren't doing either of you any good!
Until next time... bye for now!